But what do I know, I'm just one of those many magazine buyers who happen to look through the "top ten books of the week" list and tend to stock up on books to be preserved for a good read sometime in the future.
And so it happened... based on a vague memory of a listing I saw in some blurred out magazine, I picked up "I too had a love story.."
I'm going to first detach the author from the piece. I have nothing against him, God bless his soul. Gentleman writer, the only bone I have to pick with you is that you let the book go to print without this statutory warning ( though you had that new pen in your hand that had too much ink): "Reading such books can cause headaches (making it look gentle with a mild word- check) to the reader".
I'll just talk about the "love story" which started with a phone call the protagonist received after a profile listing on Shaadi.com (Yay! someone just got popular).
The story starts in a typical Bollywood movie fashion with a reunion of friends, some point in time after college and after campus placements (yes, and the writer is not even Chetan Bhagat). This bunch of young achievers finds the perfect silent spot to discuss their future on the banks of the Hooghly in a very Bollywood way.
Subsequent to the discussion, they decide to find their future life partner through wedding portals (fair enough, my pedestrian self has been there and done that).
Then one day it happens - the beginning of a love story initiated by the girl calling the hero (The liberty to decide the bollywood stars who play the parts is all yours).
The excruciating pain dealt by reading what follows is what forces me to be in front of my blog today doling out a book review though I'm not a book reviewer. I am just a "do-gooder" doing good to others by typing away. ( dear author, I already did you some good by buying that book, don't hate me)
Shona and shoni as the hero and heroine refer to each other are like laila- majnu, heer-ranjha, to the present day buntys and bubblys that fall in love, with a twist- they talk over the phone a lot. What follows is they fall in love and talk over the phone, fall in love and talk over the phone, fall in love and talk over the phone some more..... the saga continues (you can even make a TV series of 300 episodes out of it ..)
I am now aware what makes those cellular companies spend multi-billion dollars on advertising offers for him & her. That's one mode of revenue generation everyone from soap manufacturers to car makers should follow (strategy fee = book price compensation.)
Anyways coming back to the love story, our protagonist is off to the US for a project and on his way makes a pit stop in Delhi to see his shoni for the first time. She lives in Faridabad.
The heroine (sorry don't have the patience or the heart to call her female protagonist. The character sketch of the lady has been directly downloaded from a Bollywood masala movie. For a clearer picture refer to any DVD where the girl has beautiful everything and the description from the tip of her hair flying across her face to the tip of the toe with the nail color on it.) Moving on, she takes the hero to her house - movie style - and introduces him to the family -this is where the song and dance can come in.
By now we know there has to be a rain scene. And the writer brings it in, it was 'carefully sown' into the story as "a heavy rain that lashed on the cab" submerged the streets leading to her house in Faridabad' just when he needed to get back to the airport and head for his flight.
And yeah, the heroine asking the hero to promise he'll never touch alcohol again- that's there too.
The IM element is there as well, because that's how they keep in touch after that. The hero comes back and they are all set for the band baaja scene.
Oh and then the heroine meets with an accident. Following which she goes to a better place (death of anyone - even this heroine - is never funny).
The hero is sad - and I lost patience to read any further.
This is that tipping point in my life which left me wondering as to:
a) Why Indian writing in English today is increasingly being written to constitute raw material for Bollywood movies?
b) Who approves them for printing and why such stories are published?
c) Who lists them in the top ten in those magazines?
d) The cover says "Simple, honest and touching"- N.R. Narayana Murthy - Sir with all due respect - who are you and Really?
e) The author has immense potential to write movie scripts.
I aspire to be one of the greats in this genre. How is this for the first line- "Dishoom, and he beat his enemy to the ground with that first knock on his head."
Oh wait déjà vu.
Return my money ya filthy animal!
